Fiasco-Free Finances: Tips for All Ages

Money.

We all want and need it. We generally know how to get it, and where we have to spend it. But, how aware of our finances are we really? Do we really know how much we ought to be spending on things? Chances are you’re actually spending way more than necessary on things that can really add up over time, and you’re gonna be needing that money. Every important life decision costs more than you know: weddings (rings, ceremonies, honeymoons), babies (health screenings, childbirth, and raising the kid), bills (utility, phone, internet, TV), cars (insurance, maintenance, gas), and homes (yikes).

My mother has taught me how to be smart with my finances, and as I interact with more and more people, I notice that so many people just love throwing money around. Well, maybe they don’t, but possibly they just aren’t aware of how much less they actually should/need to be spending. In today’s post, I’ll hit on a few categories of expenses, and how you may be overpaying, as well as general tips and tricks for saving money now.

1) Phone Bills: Here’s something you’re almost definitely spending way too much money on. Sure we may need the latest smartphones nowadays with talk, text, and data, but what if I told you I am able to have the newest iPhone 6 with those things for $35 a month? Yep, it’s true, and you won’t need to sacrifice much at all. Typically, I find my friends even (college kids with low disposable income) are paying roughly $80-90 a month for phone service. Are you kidding. How are you not poor. Oh, well, actually they usually claim to be. So here’s the breakdown: Don’t fall for 2 year contracts! A lot can change/happen in 2 years, and you’ll be selling your soul by signing up. Try a non-contract plan like BoostMobile, on which you can choose what you need, and still get the newest, coolest phone, and pay ~$40 a month. Sure you may have to pay for the phone itself out of pocket, but if you add it all up, it’s still a huge money saver.

2) Internet & Cable: Is cable really even necessary? Opt for something like Netflix, which, in combination with Internet access to the the entire world wide web can get you any and all shows you want to watch, and you will be able to do so on your own time. Save the cable for when you start your own family down the line, if you realllly must.

3) Food: Studies have shown Generation Y and the present youth/ young people spend most of their disposable income on food. That’s because they eat out (and drink out) a lot. Well, that’s going to eat up your funds super quick. Eating out, or even grabbing a bite here or there will ultimately make you very poor very fast. Even that daily coffee. Opt to get your butt out of bed 30 minutes earlier and make it yourself. Make your own lunch. Cook your own dinner. If your excuse is not enough time or lack of skills, keep your eyes peeled for upcoming blog posts that will absolutely obliterate these “issues.” Cooking is really quite simple. No more excuses.

4) Recreation/Entertainment:  Chances are you love hanging out with friends and family on your down time. And good for you! But chances are you’re spending way more than necessary to have some fun with friends. Movie tickets are very expensive, then add theatre snacks, and you’ll most certainly be in the hole in no time. Another terrible trap is going out clubbing or to bars for drinks. These are often so overpriced, why not stay in with friends, watch Netflix, make tons of your own awesome food, and get nice wine, not shitty, expensive cocktails or beer. Better yet? Don’t drink. You’ll save a freaking buttload.

Make sure to be creative. Consider all the free and cheap things you can do: walks, picnics, getting together for Cards Against Humanity. Photo sessions with your pals, potlucks, walking around town and grabbing a $.99 ice cream cone at Mc.D’s. Check your local paper or online for free events, treats, and eats! There are so many awesome ways to spend time with people, you just gotta look!

5) Lifestyle: Eat less. Smaller portions. Drink water at restaurants. The human body actually doesn’t need the positively monstrous portions of food we often feed it. The obesity epidemic is very real, and we are contributing. Eating less will make you feel better, and achieve better overall health, saving you from heart disease, high cholesterol, diabetes, and many other issues that will be expensive to treat down the line. Turn off lights, take shorter showers. There are so many small changes you can make in your daily life. Drive a car that isn’t a gas-guzzler. If you have a hobby, try not to choose something super pricey unless you have the money. You probably don’t need a gym membership to work out and stay in shape. Do it yourself. You don’t need to get acrylics done every three weeks (or at all). You don’t need expensive deodorant, shampoo, or body wash. Choose cheaper options or generics. Trust me, you’ll be fine.

Money Saving Tips and Tricks

• DO NOT LIVE PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK.
• Cut down on your phone bill
• Don’t buy designer clothes
• You don’t need Chanel makeup right now
• Starbucks every day isn’t necessary (plus it’s pretty crappy coffee)
• Stop eating out
• Stop being lazy
• Turn off lights and water when not using them
• Turn off TVs and unplug plugs that aren’t being used (like chargers that aren’t charging anything)
• Take shorter showers (you’ll still get clean)
• Buy generic
• Skip the gym and personal trainers
• Take the bus or carpool when you can to save gas money
• Don’t spend money on things spur-of-the-moment
• PRETEND YOU DON’T HAVE MONEY EVEN WHEN YOU DO.
• If you get a raise or more money, put it directly into savings.
• Always have a good amount in savings, even if it seems pointless, and don’t touch it.
• Grocery shop and cook your own food
• Don’t go out as much

All in all, there are tons of ways to save money. Look inside your heart. Do you really need what you want to buy? Will that make you as happy as an amazing future? Personally, I’ll skip buying things now, because I cannot wait to have a family and see the happiness in their eyes when we are able to be comfortable, not in debt, or living from paycheck to paycheck. Even if you’re young, you’ll need the money later, trust me. Please be smart. I absolutely cannot stress enough the importance of finances. Don’t cause yourself and your loved ones stress, and make changes yourself without them telling you. No one likes to nag their partner about “saving vs spending.”And I know people like to “treat themselves” sometimes, which is fine, but only within reason. Spending money in this way is actually ironic, because it will make you more stressed out when you realize you’re poor.

I have tons more where that came from, so let me know if want more savings tips, and hope everyone is having a wonderful Sunday!

-V

B.C. (pills) Without the B.S.

Birth control pills. So many people take them, doing the best they can to be responsible in matters of health, safety, and family planning. But there are so many aspects of taking the pills, that it’s overwhelming sometimes: timing, drug interactions, effectiveness, storage instructions, and a myriad of other variables that can make knowledge of what to do very confusing. I have been taking BCP (Ortho Tri Cyclen) for about two years now, and, as someone who is absolutely hellbent of doing everything correctly as to avoid mishaps, have found my head constantly swirling with questions even my doctor and pharmacy couldn’t provide a 100% certain answer for without Google. So I did the research myself. And over these 2 years, I think I’ve made massive strides toward understanding how to use the pill, variables that determine its effectiveness, and how to achieve as close to that 99.9% “perfect use” level as possible while remaining a sane, imperfect human with a thousand other things on her mind. PLEASE NOTE: I am NOT a licensed health professional, so please always ask your healthcare physician about any of these topics. I am simply compiling all the research I have found online.

I’ll talk about three main topics in this post, which will hopefully answer all of your questions in one place, and help put your mind at ease. Please note, I am only discussing combined hormonal birth control pills, and there are so many other family planning options out there, so don’t be afraid to check those out too (the ring, patch, shot, implant, UID, NFP, condoms, etc.) The three topics I will cover (in exhaustive detail) will be: factors in bcp effectiveness, drug and food interactions, and timing/storage (logistics of use).

Variables in BCP effectiveness:

1) Weight: The hormones in birth control pills are only so strong. They used to be much stronger when pills first came out, but stronger hormones mean more health risks such as clots, heart issues, and weight gain. The amount of hormones has been decreased over the years, and now pills have quite low (yet effective) levels of hormones. Within the pill world, there are different levels of hormones (and the combined pill actually has 3: estrogen, progestrin, and androgen. You can check levels in your pill here:

Click to access Which+OCP+is+Best+Handout.pdf

) Also, if you wish to avoid hair loss associated with the pill, choose one with a low androgen level.

As far as all this is concerned, however, there have been some studies suggesting overweight women’s bodies need more hormones to prevent pregnancy, and could possibly be the reason some get pregnant even with perfect use. Here is a link : http://www.livescience.com/10743-birth-control-effectiveness-linked-weight.html

On the whole, however, normal doses in BCP tend to have you covered. If you are overweight, however, a low dose pill may not be the best option for you. Make sure to talk to your doctor about this.
Bottom line: if you are overweight, it’s possible that low-dose pills won’t be enough to ensure pregnancy prevention, though it would be rare. Talk to your doctor.

2) Timing of first week of active pills:

Although every site will tell you that your pills protect you at any time of the month, provided you have been taking them consistently, we all want to know if there still might be a time during which we are more likely to get pregnant. Though the pill works mainly by suppressing ovulation (no egg= nothing to fertilize= no baby) as well as thickening cervical mucus and thinning the uterine lining (making a possibly fertilized egg harder to implant), some women may still possibly ovulate on the pill. The biggest risk of this happening is starting a new pack late, and not being diligent in taking the first 7 active pills on time. While overall timing isn’t super important on the combined pill (it is very important in the progestrin only “mini pill”), making sure we take that first week of active pills ensures our body isn’t left for too long without hormones and thus allowing these new hormones to suppress ovulation again for the next month.

When looking at instructions for missed and late pills, pamphlets usually stress the importance of taking at least 7 active pills in a row to be fully protected, if we say, miss a pill. A more thorough list of instructions for missed/late pills can be found here: http://www.drugs.com/article/birthcontrolpill-missed.html
Bottom line: Always start your new pack on time, and just to be extra safe, take that first week of active pills at the same time.

Food and Drug Interactions:

1) Possible drug interactions: This stuff is always crucial to know. There are several groups of medications that can interfere with bcp: antibiotics, anti-seizure and migraine medications, anti-fungals, anti-anxiety meds, anti-depressants, HIV medications, respiratory meds, medications for diabetes, and even certain natural supplements like St. John’s Wort. Typing them all up here would be tedious, and this site has already done that for me: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/birth-control-drug-interactions.

Bottom line: Check with your doctor that other drugs you are taking won’t interfere with your bcp.

2) Food interactions and considerations: Didn’t think this had an effect? It’s quite possible what we eat and drink effects our medications, especially hormonal ones. Some of the oddballs include concerns with soy products and grapefruit. I stressed out about this stuff so much it was obscene. And I have the skinny right here for you, so you don’t have to spend hours of research time and tear your hair out:

• Soy products: Soy is widely debated for containing estrogen-like hormones, but is it really dangerous? Not unless you eat it at every meal, most likely. And the estrogen in soy is different than that in your bcp, so you’re fine there too : https://www.healthtap.com/user_questions/598235
• Grapefruit: This one haunted me forever. I love grapefruit! It’s refreshing and tasty. But when I read of a possible drug interaction with my bcp, I had to look into it. Luckily (unless you literally live off of grapefruit) there is good news. As found on WedMD forums, user georgiagail sheds some light on what the actual interaction is: “The enzyme in grapefruit can affect certain medications that would, under normal circumstances, be slowly absorbed into the blood stream. The resultant effect would be an increase (not decrease) in the amount of these meds in the body…the level of serum estrogen might be higher when consuming grapefruit/grapefruit juice and birth control pills. While this does not reduce the effectiveness of birth control pills (rather, the opposite) one might notice increased symptoms of things like breast tenderness.
  So it actually makes the BC aspect stronger. On the other hand, consuming too much could heighten your risk of breast cancer (possibly), so try to not eat only grapefruit. For some useful links on this topic, check out the following:
• http://forums.webmd.com/3/gynecology-exchange/forum/16999
• http://www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/c/59/10342/grapefruit-juice/
• Bottom line: if you want to be EXTRA cautious, don’t consume grapefruit within 4 hours of taking your pill. But really, you’re fine.

Logistics of taking your pills:

1) Timing: All the time we hear: “Take your pill at the same time every day!” or “around the same time.” But what does that actually mean? Is it okay if I take it 5 minutes late? 5 hours? Will this make my pill less effective?

The overwhelming amount of research suggests in combined pills timing doesn’t make too much difference, up to 12 hours. After that, it’s considered “late” in most cases. The only exception is the mini pill, which needs to be taken at the same time. But even there, you have a 3 hour grace period before you need to use backup protection! So my rule? I take the first 7 pills in my pack at the same time (within 15 mins, because I am very anal about it), just to ensure ovulation suppression, but for the other pills, I use the 3 hour mini pill window, which is super strict, pill-wise. Planned Parenthood says that as long as you take it daily, you are protected. Even if you miss one, and take 2 the next day, you are still protected. That’s why it typically takes 2-3 days of placebos to start your withdrawal bleeding. So if you wanna sleep in, do it girl.

The main reason people suggest taking your pill at the same time daily? So you make it a habit and don’t forget! I think of it as associating it with a daily routine, say brushing your teeth in the morning. If you brush them at 6am one day, and 11 am the next, you will be okay, though. For additional resources regarding pill timing, check these out:

• http://plannedparenthood.tumblr.com/post/23827960518/timing-of-birth-control-pills
• http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/birth-control-faq <= this site is brilliant for all pill FAQs

2) Storage: Here’s another weird variable I encountered on my trip to Europe over the summer. It was very hot, and my grandma’s apartment has no air conditioning. I read that keeping pills in the heat can render them useless, and freaked out! Is this true? And if so, what’s the correct storage option/environment to ensure efficacy? Here’s the deal: Don’t store them in humid, hot temperatures about 85 degrees Farenheight (ideally 80, but I was told by my doctor that synthetic estrogen used in pills is pretty hardy). Don’t store them in your car on a hot day. Probably don’t store them in the steamy bathroom either. I usually just keep mine on my nightstand, near my phone, so I don’t forget to take them. For more info on pill storage, check this out: http://advocatesaz.org/2012/07/03/keeping-medications-and-contraceptives-safe-through-the-summer/ , and http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/16/health/16consumer.html?_r=0 .
Bottom line: Store them at room temperature, leaning to cool vs hot, in a dry place, out of the sun.

ALRIGHT. I really hope this post has helped answer some of your burning questions about bcp. As a person who always freaks out about everything, I understand the anxiety, after all we just want to do everything right, and that’s because we are responsible. These are the topics that were always on my mind, so I think there’s some good nuggets here. If you have any other questions regarding this topic, please feel free to contact me! Again, I am not a medical professional, so all this is just what I’ve been able to find through personal research online. Please always contact your doctor regarding medications, and best of luck in your health.

-V

Parenting Tips from a Not-yet Parent

I was recently down, stressed, and trying to process a lot, when I came upon this quote (above). Although I am not currently a parent, having kids is something I think about a ton. Every time I see a baby, or a pregnant woman, or a whole family together in real life or an ad on TV, the internal biological maternal instinct floods all of my consciousness. It makes me realize, too, how much my thoughts on this subject have changed recently.

I’ve had 3 pregnancy “scares” in my life, and for a solid two of them, I was absolutely and completely horrified at the possibility of a positive pregnancy test result. Sure I may have no longer been a teenager, but the idea of being a mother was not something I was ready for or even thought I wanted at that time. My last pregnancy scare was different. I looked at life as a whole, and considered all the horrible things that could happen from having unprotected sex (I’m on the pill, so I’m referring to STI’s), and it really put things in perspective for me. Being responsible with our bodies is extremely important, but getting pregnant at the age of almost 24 is neither a disease, nor completely and utterly unacceptable. I have friends my age with two kids already, and more keep getting engaged/married/pregnant daily. It’s a part of life, and really, they’re not that early. Granted, it may not really be the perfect time yet, but seriously it’s really not the worst that could happen. Count your blessings always!

Here’s what you need to know: becoming pregnant is a gift. There are so many people with fertility issues, and not knowing whether I could possibly be one of them…well, that’s what ultimately terrifies me nowadays. I spend a lot of time thinking about this, and I just get so sad at the thought of not being able to have kids for any reason. Who knows what’s meant to be for me. It now physically infuriates me when people make pregnancy seem like the worst thing that could happen before marriage, or before “they’re ready.” Life will catch you off guard sometimes. You can’t time everything. Better early than not at all. Just because stuff happens a couple years before you’re “ready” in your “plans” doesn’t give you the right to a) be angry or b) abort.

Another important thing that I don’t think many men (in particular) realize is that maternal age is the only directly linked predictor of the baby’s health regarding certain chromosomal birth defects. Just to put things into perspective for you, let’s take the most common one: Down’s Syndrome. While babies born with Down’s can, in theory, lead happy lives, it doesn’t mean its easy. It isn’t. They are often born with [at best] a susceptibility to a myriad of health issues. These include: infections, heart defects, leukemia, thyroid issues, hearing, vision, sleep problems, as well as other psychiatric disorders, such as Autism. Though scientists seem to know what physically causes the defects, the actual cause of why certain parents give birth to children with the disorder is quite a mystery. The only real link? Maternal age, as in this graph (click on it to enlarge):

As can be seen here, the risk dramatically increases after 30. Just look at the difference between the risk at the maternal age of 20 and 30 even. A woman’s body is designed to have kids earlier than we think. So why risk your entire child’s health and life for your own comfort? For me, personally, the health and future of my family is by far the most important fact to consider. Also, bear in mind how many kids you want, because if it’s more than 1, you may want to start earlier. It’s just something to be keenly aware of.

And this all brings me back to the quote. Many young couples or families are scared of the financial duties that come with raising a child. This is, of course, a very valid and responsible concern. That’s why young people need to think about those things now, and make the necessary changes to have that money whenever the time arrives. What’s the worst that could happen, excess money? Additionally, while is is a huge expense to have children, just think about it. Buying them tons of toys and things isn’t necessary. Remember how our parents raised us? And we turned out pretty awesome! What’s most important is to spend time with your family. They will treasure that more than anything else.

So, here’s a couple tips for future (or present) parents from me, a not-yet parent:

–Think, but don’t overthink. If you think too much about all the variables, you’ll never actually get around to having kids.

– Don’t stress if it happens “early.” Oftentimes, it helps us mature and see what’s important in life when we otherwise may have been lost. Treat it as life’s gift and a learning experience. P.S. being a parent makes you feel powerful, I’m sure. Even the thought does.

– Communicate with your partner about these things now, no matter how young you are. This is perhaps the most important. Try to get a sense of their timeline, yours, expectations of both of you, and discuss the future. Never assume anything, and don’t force it either. That way, you both will react well when the time comes. If they seem annoyed or averse to the topic, let them know calmly how important it is to you, and have them talk through their fears. A lot of times, fear simply comes from not knowing.

-Do research on the subject of pregnancy and child-rearing right now. Know your family history, considerations, birth control options post-pregnancy, and a myriad of other topics, tips, and tricks. It’s not weird that you’re doing it now. It’ll make you aware and more prepared.

-Frame your mind with good thoughts. Having a child is pretty amazing. The bond is for life. Your ability to shape a future human is mind-blowing and phenomenal. Never forget that.

-Talk to your own parents, or adults you can trust or feel comfortable with. This will do so much to put your mind at ease…plus you’ll be sure to hear some really great stories from their own experiences.

I hope someone out there benefited from this post. I know if can be difficult bringing up these topic around your partner, but do not fear! If you ever wish to contact me, please do. Happy future babies!

-V

She and He: a candid discussion

Spurred by recent strides as well as struggles in transgender issues, and different viewpoints regarding this topic, I have decided to talk about it here on my blog. Keep in mind, this blog is meant as an outlet for my personal opinions, struggles, and to generally discuss what is going on in my life. Some of my opinions may be very unpopular, but I would ask to please keep discussions civil. I will always be respectful, never degrading in my posts, but I will lean toward being more honest and candid than most are on somewhat sensitive issues. I can’t help feeling how I do, and just because these are my experiences does not mean I have any less respect for certain groups of people.

There’s so many gender and sexual identities out there, and as a person, I’ve myself labelled myself many different ways over time. I was never pretending. I had a couple crushes on boys in Middle school, but literally that is all they were. I didn’t want to pursue anything with them, nor did I even wish to see them naked. Then in high school, I was more attracted to boys, both aesthetically and sexually, I suppose, though I never pursued intimacy of any kind at that time. Freshman year of college, as a new, incoming student, I faced some thoughts I’d started to have over the summer about possibly being interested in girls. I admired them, loved their bodies, thought they were pretty, and (dare I say) dateable. Sex? Eh. I wasn’t there yet, but to be fair I’d never been physically intimate with anyone before so I couldn’t make such a judgement. I became involved in the Gay/Straight Alliance, and being around such cool, supportive people really brought out my “gay” side. I slowly shifted my identity from “bisexual” to “lesbian.” Then I found out about “pansexual,” which I liked better because it was all-encompassing of all people, no matter gender identity. I didn’t care how people I dated identified. Man, woman, both, neither. If I loved them, the body didn’t matter. Hearts not parts.

Then I got more and more into a hobby of mine: cosplay. For those not knowing, it refers to “costume play,” usually of characters from anime, meaning Japanese cartoons. I found a niche. I found friends. I became engulfed in this culture, going to cons, meetups, and following many of these folks on Tumblr. Now, at the beginning, I loved to cosplay male characters. I never bound my chest or worried about passing, and I didn’t care if people referred to me as “he” or “she” while in cosplay. Over time, I found a lot of my friends in the community were/are transgender. Their biological sex doesn’t align with their mental gender. Therefore even though someone is biologically born with male parts, they can be a girl, and vice versa. This confused and intrigued me. I was among these people and they seemed genuinely more whole once they figured out who they were, chose a name and pronouns. I wondered if maybe this was who I was. I had always been a little bit of a tomboy, but I’d loved wearing dresses too. But of course, I was told, clothing doesn’t determine gender. So I thought about it. It seemed right. So I made the switch. I began dressing masculine (preference because I wanted to pass somewhat and have people take me seriously), changed my name and pronouns. My friends seemed okay with it, but I later found out it made them very uncomfortable, especially when I switched back. Like I couldn’t just make up my mind. This upset me, and I left them behind.

As I progressed with my life, new experiences and relationships, I grew. Everything I went through shaped me. My gender identity and sexual orientation. I entered into the realm of physical intimacy in a less than ideal setting and circumstance, but all in all, I began to slowly realize who I was. After recovering from a traumatic, psychologically abusive long-term relationship, I briefly even thought I was asexual. But then I moved on from that, healed, and knew what felt right. And it horrified me. As embracing and tolerant as I am of other gendered and trans folk, I am simply not one of them. I am very clearly a heterosexual, cisgender female. I’m “just a typical girl.” I know it’s not p.c. to say that now, because the gender stereotypes of being a “girl” have been so heavily scrutinized and dissected and disassembled that one can no longer say “girl” and automatically refer to certain behaviors or whatnot. Here’s where my thoughts get racy.

While I completely understand the reason for breaking down gender stereotypes, there are times I just want to not be scrutinized for saying I feel “like a girl” and mean many things many females identify with. I used to strongly identify as a feminist too, but that term has changed so much, and I wouldn’t say for the better. I almost feel the female experience has been slightly disassembled, and women can’t all identify with common causes and struggles. I understand everyone in this world has a unique and separate experience, but I also feel empowered uniting with other women in the female experience: periods, makeup, body image, reproductive rights, wage gaps, workplace discrimination, rape issues, and treatment of women by men. I want to be able to say that periods are a “woman’s” struggle. I am aware many woman do not get periods. Some are too young, others post menopause, some on certain types of birth control, and some trans. But I’m just saying the bulk of woman, not all woman. And we need to unify to some degree to make a difference.

Same with reproductive rights. I believe this too has gotten out of hand. I have always been pro choice, but I feel bad saying that nowadays because of what people have made it into. It’s become a monster. In many instances, it is ending innocent lives before they’ve been given a chance. I will always be pro-choice. But with morals. There are so many circumstances that require women to have that choice: rape, incest, abuse, disease. In these instances, I understand that choice is important for a myriad of reasons and this right should never be taken away. On the other hand, I believe woman also need to be responsible. Not in the way they dress, because that is promoting rape culture, but to some degree all people need to be responsible for how they act. If a woman wishes to go around having unprotected sex with many, many partners, that is her choice. But if she’s not being responsible about the way in which she is doing this, the choice to abort is wrong. Just because a baby would be inconvenient as a result of irresponsible behaviour doesn’t give you the right to abort it. But that was quite a tangent. Perhaps I will return to it in a later post.

Back to gender, gender roles, and sexuality. I used to hate gender roles. I aimed to break them. To be androgynous. Not anymore.

I love being girly. I love being a kind nurturer. I love the thought of being a mother one day. Of cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, and being a supportive partner to a future husband. I like makeup, doing my hair, and also occasionally just laying around in my pjs eating chocolate and ice cream while crying about literally nothing just because my hormones are angry with me for not getting pregnant again this month. PMS is real. I always apologize to people during “that time of the month.” It does make me emotional, irrational, and needy. I’m not afraid to say that. Granted, this may not be everyone’s experience, but it is mine. I love being a stereotypical woman, engrossed with fashion magazines, high heels, scrapbooking, and searching out new recipes to cook for my loved ones or even new cosmetics to try out on myself. Sexuality? I’m straight. There shouldn’t have to be excess clarification. I’m attracted to men. Candidly speaking, I like the D (and I am aware not all people with one are men). I like strong masculine types, but I love it all the more if they are kind, sensitive and nurturing. Afterall, we all have male and female aspects. And that’s normal. That doesn’t mean we are trans. There’s a huge craze (spurred by sites like Tumblr) that make people question their gender even if they otherwise wouldn’t. Let’s not complicate life.

Let’s do what makes us happy. Everyone’s unique and into different things. Otherwise life would be painfully boring. Let us keep those who make us happy close, and do what’s right for us. I love and support all people, no matter what their identity, or where they stand on this issue. I just know that I as a person will just simply go mad if I overthink such things. But then again, we’re all mad here.

-V

The Plan of Life is Now (and here’s why)

Late night insights.

Here’s the thing you eventually have to realize. You have to realize what your priorities are, what they should be and why. Up til quite recently, I focused heavily on myself, or close family. I’d never be stingy on gifts for others, but on the whole, did a lot of self-centered things. It’s not a bad thing; it’s part of the process of growing up into a better version of yourself.
The thing is, maybe it would be cool to buy $30 mascara, but in the end, the drugstore one is probably fine, and just think of how I could use that money toward those I care for and hold close. Do I really need another shirt? Another pair of shoes? Another dress? Cool nail polish?

Chances are I don’t, because all those things would never make me as happy as seeing those I love happy and cared for. Loved ones can be family, friends, your S.O, your kids, or ever just thinking of your future with any of these people. People often say to live in the present, but I would add that you should do so with thinking forward. Little steps and little sacrifices can really add up over time. The future isn’t some inconceivable thing that’s just “going to happen one day.” It’s already happening. Sacrifices are just beautiful opportunities.

Keeping all this in mind, I’ve resolved to start buying less for myself, and save up for those who mean a heck of a lot to me. And that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll be showering everyone with gifts now, but in time, the fruits of my efforts will come to fruition. After all, there’s nothing that can make one happier than causing joy to those they love. Another thing you have to realize is that all of life’s bigger choices (proposals, marriage, kids, living together, getting a home) cost a lot of money. Really, if you foresee these things in your future–even years from now– you gotta start saving up now. Trust me, it’ll be totally worth it. Talk to your partner about it. Don’t let it scare you. The most important thing you can do is communicate. What are their goals, what are yours? Remember they might be a bit different, and relationships are give and take, so if you love them, you will come to a compromise. That’s what life is about. Start the communication now. You will never regret that either, and will be on the same page for what’s down the line. I know it freaks people out to discuss things that will be happening years later, but it is absolutely necessary. Better to have more time to figure it out than less.

Finally, I absolutely loathe (with a flaming passion of 1,000 suns) when people say settling down is losing your freedom, or anything along those lines. It’s not giving up your youth, your innocence, or your freedom. You are keeping it alive for your future. See it in the eyes of your lover or your child when they laugh, cry, or need a shoulder to lean on. See it’s potential to blossom into something you never thought possible. Don’t ever doubt yourself. Life is full of question marks, and that makes it scary, but you will never know until you take the plunge. You are amazing. And knowing what’s important to you, begin your magical journey!

Where I come from

Not location-wise, though I suppose we could start there.
I was born in Austin, TX, which is where I currently reside. I’m sure where we grow up shapes us in many ways, who we are surrounded with, and their attitudes. But that would make for a very long post.

By “where I come from” is more of a nod to what has shaped who I am. My personality. My beliefs, and how they have changed drastically over the years.

I grew up fairly normally. Nothing out of the ordinary to speak of. Then I hit a teen angst phase, as many do, but I’ve always been a bit of a researcher. A bit would be a gross under-representation of just how intensely my brain works. I always think about things. Probably more than I should. I consider what else is out there. What is around me, and the complex interrelationships of these variables. I grew up surrounded by a relatively homogenous group/type of people, and therefore upon coming across others, I did so with a bit of precaution, but tried not to judge. High school was tough, but I got past it, grew from it. But recently I’ve been thinking…maybe not? Looking back at those years, I just came from a place of defiance, though never negatively fueled. I dressed goth/emo/alternative most of my high school years in a private Catholic school of preppy folk. I’m not entirely sure why I resisted being “one of them” so much. I just liked to play with the aesthetic of being different.

And that’s how it’s always been. Aesthetics are immensely important to me; they are an inherent expression of what I am feeling at any given time. And this is how I began the journey of dealing the metal issues, particularly D.I.D, which I will elaborate on in a different post. For those not aware, it used to go by the name of “multiple personalities,” which is arguably an “easier” way to describe it initially. Basically, there are many people within you, each very different. I didn’t know the name of this for many, many years, and I would feel so confused as to why I could never decide on who I was, or what I ultimately wanted to be. It depended on the day, or even situation. I will place a huge disclaimer here: I have never been formally diagnosed with any mental illness and seek no medical treatment. How do I know what I “have” then? I’ve taken online tests. I’ve researched ad nauseum. And being able to label what I experience so intensely in everyday life is somehow reassuring that I’m not actually crazy.

Over the years the degree to which I dissociated varied, but has recently stabilized to a shocking degree. No longer are there such severe conflicts between my alters (personalities).

I got over my teen angst.
I got over my anger.
I got over overthinking everything.

I may get a lot of flack for what I’m about to say, but please hear me out, as I am speaking the truth. There were periods of my life where I was just so angry at certain groups of people, I did my best to associate myself with a group that was the opposite. I’ve identified with many of the following labels: gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, non-binary, atheist, Muslim, alternative, feminist, etc. And now I realize I did for the wrong reasons. Though at the times where I identified as those things, I really, truly did believe I was what I said I was, I don’t understand in retrospect. I am about as heterosexual, cisgendered, and apathetic as they come. I used to fight people (in words) about gender roles, and now I find myself loving to fit into them. I still very much identify with the fight for women’s rights, but I’m not the perfect feminist. I make sexist jokes or laugh at them. I’ve considered arranged marriage a wonderful thing at one point even. And I used to be so very much pro-choice (and still am), but my definition of what that means has evolved into something completely different.  I definitely understand my privilege and do my best never to take anything for granted, but I just feel strange in acknowledging how much my views have changed recently.

And so here I am. I find myself very hypocritical. I never lied about my feelings. But I know what I feel now very strongly is who I am.

Let’s see where this takes us.

-Victoria

Hello world!

I was pondering changing the title of this post from the WordPress-decided title, but the more I thought about it, the more it seems to work for what I’m doing here.

I’ve made blogs before: for classes, for personal interests, etc. The issue was that they were all too specific. Which isn’t to say specific isn’t fine. It’s wonderful to find a blog about JUST what you need, without clutter. But life is clutter.

Which is why I created this blog.

As a 23-year-old woman, I can say my life has been, and is, in constant flux. There are complexities and aspects that make it impossible to summarize with a single theme. But that’s the beauty. Thoughts on a variety of subject may swirl around our heads, but let’s try to make the most of it, shall we?

So I thought I’d give something else a go. My goal here is simply to create a blog about the things I think about, and the things in my life. I hope you find nuggets here that you can relate to, or enjoy. I can’t promise to be the perfect blogger. Or even a good blogger. With school, work, and my personal life I may not post regularly. But hey, that’s life, and that’s cool.

-Victoria